Sunday, September 18, 2016

Fall and Rise - Part III


II <<<<<<<<<< II  >
No! Pain is a lonely place, no Nightingale could bear it with me Florence or elsewhere. Black is a beautiful colour. Actually it is all colors. II >

Buddha agreed with me. 

“You should not eat spoilt meat you know. That was a mistake. You could have attended more meetings like late Mr. Abdul Kalam” I told B.
He smiled King’s don’t take to barbs well. He did. Well he renounced it.  He was a king of kings like his famous younger friend from Galilee, that one had the head for Barbs. B took my barbs sportively or did he? 

“You should not have fallen from 18 feet. That my friend was a mistake. Correct your mistakes before you correct others” The Bodhi after all did not kill all the hubris. Guy can’t even take friendly advice. How did he know the exact height I fell?
My Manager Moorthy must have told him. Must ask Mr. Moorthy to remember the need to know principle. Can’t keep telling other stars about our weak moments. Buddha had grown his hair. He looked a bit like Toshiro Mifune and my schoolmate from Sir. M.C.T Mutthaiah Chettiar high school, Ivan Marshal. A Jap and a Chin Combi? My dear Bud had small eyes. The old boy Saakhyamuni had oriental features!!! 
What? So many voices in chorus, expressed disbelief. 
So what? Don’t blame it on me!  Study History. Better still anthropology. I am not from the west to change a Middle Eastern Jewish gentleman into a blue-eyed Caucasian. I liked the legitimate son of Joseph carpenter of Bethlehem as he was. Good man that.  

“Bud if I dream of you they are going to say I have fallen of my rationalist wagon”. 

“Don’t worry I was one myself. Left to me I would still be one. But none left me alone. Bad meat is better than misinterpretation Kamal” Bud said. Did I sense melancholy in his voice? 
“Left to you, It would have been the rationalists? Hmmm. The right has been getting its lucky breaks right from the beginning. God helps in propaganda and argument. That is why Rationalists are marginal in the demographic chart Bud”.
Buddha smiled. Kalam turned in his resting place. Peace be upon him. Kalam Sahab was also my friend. He is from my native province.

“I have had a long conversation with Mr. Kalam on a flight. I called him Sir during the flight and Honourable President when he was in office. Though I always wanted to be on first name basis with you Bud. Have you tried Bolex? You should try epidural. None of the suffering you had Bud.

“I knew better meds. Be careful Opioids could be addictive. Sleep now” Seemed like Bud was preparing to leave

“One last thing Buddy. Can I call you that Buddy? 

“Whatever” he said. If he had worn a watch, he would have looked at it.

“Make it snappy Kamal”. I bit my tongue. Concise and susinct are watchwords.

“Buddy, your lighting is all wrong. My subject. So no hubris here”.

“Don’t backlight yourself with that halo. It is such a cliche’. But Buddy, you should know by now. Ask Bolex to do the lighting. Look at mine. I am enlightened by Bolex and co. how do you like it”
Wow! Where do you get that?  Buddy was really curious. I had his attention now.

“From Kodambakkam and Hollywood it is a mix”. I said profoundly. He was impressed.

“I like it” Buddy slowly started to disintegrate.

“Nice CG” I thought. “Thank you Buddy”. “See you later alligator” I thought. He thought the same and became smoky and dark. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Fall and Rise - Part II

Thank you. 

For those who liked and were affected by my blog. Some reacted adversely, Some emotionally, and a few, traumatically. Some were concerned about spelling. I think, the hand phone texting, has rendering them redundant. Spellings I meant. Spellings are flying out of the Windows. Oops! Sorry, folks out of Macs and Linux'. I am not brand affiliated. 

As I indicated, this wont be a dialogue. I am not going to arm wrestle those educated geeks and be caught in their web all the time. There were some accusals of me being a perfectionist. I will tell you what all I am not. Jut this , Err! One more time. I am not a perfectionist.

I seek excellence. I try. Only try and am no where close to it. I am not a believer of any religion and don’t intend to be. I do not hate those who are committed to their cause of defending religion . I only pity them and sometimes fear them . I don’t believe in any of the traps or webs spun by various religions. Marriage is only one of them. Have been caught in it multiple times . Damn! I am having a dialogue. Which I didn't want in the first place. What do you expect ? I am an actor and a sucker for dialogues. Any way this is what happens when people try to strike up a conversation while I am telling a story. I digress. I guess actors and directors are prone to that ailment. 

Cut to the chase 

Rewinding a bit here for left over details .( No blood and gore though. Certified UA)

<<<<<<<<<<<< II > I was chasing life in an ambulance not the speediest of vehicles, but should do for now. When the ambulance arrived at my office With my pain, it felt like they took an hour I was about to suggest, may be a tourniquet might help, {But G knows all that} . It seems Apollo ambulance arrived in 15 minutes and took 20 more minutes to maneuver to where I was. Nearly 100 feet. 

Seems I was awake and giving instructions to the ambulance attendants instead of saying "Thank goodness and you sirs" I said   “Careful I might have a spinal fracture too. Please put my leg back on the stretcher in the approximate shape a leg should be and don’t drop any pieces of my bone. “ 

“Damn know all.  He is such an intolerable pain in the ass” The ambulance attendants must have thought. 

I had exactly the same thoughts! “Intolerable pain in the ass” My back was hurting.  I do not remember the above conversation. My production manager Mr.Moorthy, driver Mr.Bharathidasan and office boy Mr.Shanmugam filled in the blanks sporadically, They later told me that I  was conscious and giving instructions. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>> II >Fast forward

To the operation theatre, through the E.R. 

The relief that I had reached the hospital increased the pain. I did not even see the doctor. They put me out like a light. I sank peacefully into unconsciousness. 

When I woke up I heard a moan. Not  I,  someone else was coming to or going. Hopefully back to the ward.

Someone wished me, a good morning. So, the night was behind me.  

On the way out I saw my brother Mr.Chandrahasan first. He was the guy who came to the hospital When I was born. He came with his elder brother who was 24.  Mr.Chandrahasan was 18. He was eager to see his new born baby brother. On the way to their mother’s bed, they saw many  newborns in a room full of wailing little bundles with faces, in cribs. 

ChandraH, later told me ,that child when he could have conversations with it. He told me that he chose a baby of his liking in his mind, and wished aloud “I wish that one is our kid brother”. 
Later he was informed his wish had come true. He must have smiled then I missed that one. That’s the kind of smile he had as I rolled out of the O.T.

“We are taking you to the C.C.U Sir” said a voice rolling, my gurney. 

“Critical care unit? “ Boy! I must be in a really bad shape" 

I showed a “Thumbs up” to my brother and he shook my hand very gently.  I have seen him smile at me a thousand times before. When he came to see new born Shruti, When I told him a new story idea, when the Queen of England agreed to come to the inaugural of Marudanaayagam. This one was different. I saw a lot of painful emotions surging behind. We, as a family, are not prone to showing affection in public. Even in private not too overtly. 

Back in the CCU. G Settled me in and had to leave. CCU does not allow a family congregation. I was alone but the pain had reduced. The doctors told me that I have enough painkillers and sedatives to last the day. They explained that I had a nerve block to block away pain in my Operated leg 

Operated leg? I did not feel my leg at all. That was when with great difficulty I looked down at my leg. I did not show how taken aback I was.

My leg had metal struts and bolts attached to it. Six rods were impaled into my shin and pain. With the stainless steel impalements my bandaged leg resembled, what shall I say, A cross between a bandaged trumpet and a clarinet. 

“This is Dr.Balaji Srinivasan This is your plastic surgeon Dr. Ganpathy Krishnan and that is your anesthetician Dr.Ravi Krishna. He is the one not making you feel the pain of those rods impaled and holding your bones together” DR.J.R.S my G.P., introduced the other doctors and explained the rods introduced into me.

Those impalements would have made Vlad the Impaler proud. Also,  Innocent III  (Of the notorious Spanish inquisition.) For all that, the pain was amazingly and gratefully less. Doctors explained that I had a Femoral nerve block and a Epidural injecting pain meds into my lower body. 

“Like what they give ladies not too keen on labour pain? I asked without much of a slur in my speech.

“Exactly. Now rest" Insisted the doctors, with a smile.   

Wow! Science is amazing. It has extended the facility of painless labour to men. We men must rise to the occasion and also take the labour away from ladies and deliver babies. Actually I personally know many men who have  done that. They were all Gynecologists though.

My mind wandered. Nothing new, but this was heavy wandering like the sages of yore seeking wisdom. Must be the Morphine. I faded out the smiling doctors who nodded among themselves and were leaving the room anyway. I was left alone with smiling Telugu nurse. How did I know she was Telugu ? I was surprised.

The morphine was kicking in. 

Thanks to all these fine opioids and painkillers, My pain was just a faint echo but with sincere promises of return.

To be continued….

Thursday, September 1, 2016

The Fall And Rise

My tweet about the near miss has created curiosity among those who cared to follow it. People! people! people! What will I do without you ? What will I be without you? Or what all I would'nt have been? My purpose my frustrations fame and fortune is of you. Majority who read my tweet were curious . A few read between the lines I wrote within the confining word count of twitter. What ever be the reader's deduction . Many stories abound about the incident. I must elaborate on a promised story on twitter and the original version. Those who know me will know I am no regular blogger. No blogger at all. I have noticed most film stars' twitter and FB accounts are the"Mirror mirror on the wall " kind . To the few who might rise indignantly to refute, sorry I did not mean you guys...... . Any way can't blame me for  wanting a  mirror on my digital wall. Hence the promise to share the story of the fall. What I thought was the end my story turned into another story to be told. Thankful as I am, The show must go on..

So, I guess on the 14 of July . I decided to go to my office at 10 pm . Not an everyday occurrence  but nothing odd either. Gautami decided to play mom instead of my lover partner that night . She was not keen on that trip nor did she approve me going either. I climbed the steps of my Eldams road office, wondering if I should cut the tree branch which has taken advantage of my green world attitude and is cruelly weighing  on my old office building.  We don't take care of nature , it takes care of us...  if we don't  F around with it. I guess I was Fooling around with it ;) . I went on to climb the stairs to the third floor thinking of my 3 films to be completed within 70 days of shooting . Our meticulous planning would make that possible, Just 45 days to go. If we pull it off it would be a new record at least in my company history. 3 full films in Hindi Tamil and Telugu. I had reached the 3rd floor of my 112 year old office building It belonged to my father, brothers and my only sister. Now to me. I saw G had sat down at the top of the flight of open stairs leading to the first floor , nose to her phone . Probably a video game or texting friends. She looked up " Want me to come up ? she asked. Full of myself and my films I must have nodded. I could see her get up with a sigh in my perpheral vision. I walked across the large open terrace. My play ground , my danger lab  My take off point of tarmac and cement for dreams of sex sex art and wealth. Where I played all the dangerous games for boys. I lived in this house since I was 5.  I walked to the very back of the house and found that secret sunshade. The  cement sunshade where,  when I was 16 smoked cigarettes without my mom knowing . CIGARETTE SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH. (Sorry my central certification board meetings PTS) Back to:  The vantage  cement perch with a a view and a butt disposal facility . I can chuck my extinguished butts right  into my neighbours back yard and exhibit A disappears

The poor teatotaler  must have be studying for his, IAS exams while his parents,suspected him of smoking. The neighbor then ( House behind mine not beside.) is now my friend and will come to know of my little crimes only through this blog. He is an important Tamil writer and hence might understand the crude behavior of a character and let the character dictate instead of him . ( Sorry P.A.KI.-short for P.A Krishnan} Anyway that nostalgia perch had been of solace.  Even when I decided on my divorce. without a cigarette .I had reduced smoking to almost stopping level after my mom was long gone. One of  my favorite poems I wrote here . This special perch had spawned not only a smokers cough but also ideas .   . I swung myself gently onto to the sinshade from the terrace which was 5 feet above it. My palms were placed firmly on the terrace to lower my weight like I were doing parallel bar dips . Only both my hands were in front of me. I gently dropped on the sunshade and my world changed I was falling .

My mind was quick. It had time to realize I was in terible danger Thats a lot of falling it thought . Oh you stupid fool. There goes all you r plan . Think what can you do.  Franticallycurged thebrain Before it could hit upon a idea for survival I had hit the ground . I could hear my right shin bone crack . Oh! My spine next , I thought, when my body careened backwards. Well that is just a small fall  yet, wont crack my spine. I sat with a thump on my coccyx and realized it was not that short a fall. Then my back hit the ground winding me. Silence . Why I fell i didn't know then. No use thinking about it. Got to turn and get up . Turning  was an effort my back near my L 4  5 6 or 3  Damn! It hurt. I managed  to turn  and not all of me turned with me My leg stayed behind in a funny angle but fully and painfully connected to me. I had enough wind to call out " Gautami"  the first attempt was like in the Inji iduppazhaga scene where the heroes wife tries to sing for her husband on her first night and only wind escapes her throat.

My second  attempt though guttural and without panache , was a audible shout. she heard it. I could hear the panic in her voice . I tried saying I am here but my lung refused to cooperate with air to raise a voice. i was lying face down i gave up and ate some mud and tried to spit it out worked only partially. You needed the lung even to spit i thought I was thinking of the height i fell . Oh Shooot  almost 20 feet without beds or air bags .  Am I dying ? Once again i heard G shouting " I am coming" in Telugu. Every man and woman to their tongue when in trauma. if I am dying what language would I talk to G. Oh shut up! I told the drama queen whom I chase away even when i am writing .

G  was running towards me . Hope she doesn't trip and fall in her panic. I was cursing myself for my carelessness pain was searing. fool fool I realized i was saying it loud . Is this what You wanted ? Gautami answered " what i wanted ?  I love you I said again loosing wind She kept repeating .in Teliugu." Entandi idi". Her voice was loosing pitch and swaying into a yodel of deep sorrow.  "Call the ambulance" she shouted to some one. I could hear her shuddering sobs.  My head was reeling now with pain . Wanting to make light of the  situation and to divert her and my attention I said in Tamil. "Check my right leg"

Yeah to is broken …badly she said " I knew my brave lady had returned . The daughter of two doctors was in character now. Pain and confidence returned . The hubris of being alive brought back my  humor. What do you thing of the leg? Edit? I asked  miming scissors   with my fingers . G walked away  with an angry grunt to see what's being done about the ambulance. "Phone Appolo "she gave instructions. 

Well I am alive but G did not find my humor tasteful . I didnt find all the sand I was gathering in my mouth tasteful either. I was slobbering though there was no blood . I checked. Back among the living!. But on what condition ? "Conditions apply my mind quicklyinterjected like an I nsurance advert. I must have slipped for a wee bit into unconsciousness. The ambulance had arrives and they were moving me and bringing back waves of pain. I did not have any wind left in me to scream or moan. All must have assumed I am a lion hearted iron man. With super high pain tolerance . my mind though was screaming . The ride to the hospital was event free but I fell every metre of the travel .  I recognized every speed breaker with my spine and leg . I am not a regular blogger you see . So I will stop here ,assess and let you know  of my Apollo  adventure  after seeing reactions of friends who care . Won't pursue if it sounds silly  and tedious to them I wrote assuming they would like to hear. I have lot of writing to do . If this writing  is not appreciated I better go back to where it is . Got 2 new scripts to finish.